The internet is for porn (mainly) and I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to find it. It’s not as if I haven’t looked, but so little of what I found was appealing. I’m pretty much a straight woman, and porn isn’t usually aimed at straight women. Oddly enough, even the porn that’s supposed to be aimed at straight women doesn’t really appeal. And I think I’m starting to work out why.
I’m kinky (if you want to make it sound light-hearted and fun) or sado-masochistic (if you want to make it sound nasty and dangerous – which I maybe prefer), not so much as a sideline or foreplay but as a sexual orientation. It’s how I do sex. So if I fantasise, I don’t fantasise about sex, but about the elements of my kink – pain, humiliation, force, restraint, blood, sweat and tears, etc. If that’s my fantasy material, then that’s what I want to see in porn, isn’t it? So watching sex doesn’t do it for me. Perhaps it does it for me a little, but not very much. Whereas watching men being tied up, beaten and so on … does do it for me.
I’m also sexually attracted to men not women, in general. So looking at women doesn’t do it for me as a rule. Looking at men does.
Put the two together, and you’ve got gay bondage porn, basically. I wonder why I bothered looking at anything else.
But there was never enough free stuff that I liked on the net, so I’ve ended up signing up and *gasp* paying for porn. Yes, I’m a woman, who is paying good money for porn to watch on her own (not with her boyfriend). Porn just for me. My porn. Am I the only one? Because I haven’t heard of any other women doing it – but I’ve done it, other people must have.
If anyone’s interested, I signed up with JT’s Stockroom (link on the right somewhere, I think). I don’t know if it’s any better than any other site, but what pulled me in was a very nice free clip (of a very attractive man being tortured) and the opportunity to buy minutes rather than sign up for a monthly fee. You can just buy a couple of quid’s worth it you want to check it out. And the other thing that’s kept me there, now I’m there, is the huge amount of choice – a quick browse through found all sorts of stuff for different tastes, including vintage porn. I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg and so far, much to my surprise, I’ve found lots of stuff which really turns me on. It turns out it wasn’t me that didn’t ‘get’ porn – it was the porn’s fault.
